After I finished up my last post, I felt that there was so much I wanted to write about, and I had a lot of ideas of what I wanted to get out. Now I'm not so sure anymore, though I got an idea based on what I mentioned last week, how I work my best when I am depressed or in love.. And lately have have been both. I feel both cursed and blessed <3
All of the following images (and I am sorry if this can be a little too much too soon for someone) have been made through some of my darkest hours, tracing back around 15+ years. I just felt I wanted to add these before continuing.
I think I need to ramble about depression.. it feels right this night.
Some of these are very old now, but all made under different triggers, to each it's own degree. I made some of these works under complete isolation for days being dragged down the worst of spirals, while others I created on a perfectly normal day, though with my mind completely hollow.. even if I seemed perfectly fine that day.
These are my lamnents of the ones we lost, the broken hearts, the wishes to dissappear, and for the dreams to take me away.
Most of the time it's like the sound of a deep drone noise. It feels like the call from the abyss. It is always there, and practically impossible to run away from. It is on the other hand a wonderful mentor, a driving force and a tool to our disposal.
This slow burning feeling, like a furnace on low, driving the engines of our creative mindsets. And through this we make our most personal and precious works. And I know I am not alone on feeling this. Someone once told me it was the curse of the creative.
There are the days when I barely notice it. I'm fine and jolly, but the hands from the shadows are always reaching after me, and in some good cases giving me just a little push.
Adding substances to this rarely does any good, as when I am forced to deal with the aftermath of the foggy, glittery evenings, I am left paralyzed. Trapped in a prison of which there is no escape from. Luckily this pass after a day or two, but that's a day or two where I am unable to work. And it's when I am at that low, that my demons demands exercise, which I can not attend to. We all have our ways of dealing with it regardless. I think they were happy about getting vegan ice cream that evening<3
Luckily I am also blessed with wonderful beings around me, whom shines the wicked away, and a sound network of people whom I adore. You makes me feel a little less alone. You show me a lot of support and care, and I am beyond gratitude <3
There are probably so much more I could write on this matter, but I feel like I got my ramblings out now. If none of this made sense to you, don't worry. It's fine :)
Thank you my shinies for caring about this unicorn hobo <3 You know who you all are <3