PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Tue, July 18, 2017 11:01:49 Bit late again on the writing, but I haven't really had a chance to sit down until now. Always keeping myself busy with painting or other projects, or I am just too tired to write.
This weekend I was at a wedding for one of my dearest and oldest friends here in Oslo, Hanna. I did not make a speech at the wedding, so this is for you.
(you make the most beautiful couple <3 <3, no clue on who took this photo, sorry for not crediting! )
My dear friend and sister from another mister, Hanna. Congratulations to you and your wonderful shiny husband Tobias, and thank you for such a beautiful wedding. The day was shining like a million stars, but when you came down into the garden down the aisle, you shone like a billion galaxies.
After knowing each other for so many years I am truly happy to be a part of such an important day in your life, and even more so, I am so happy and honored that you gave me the privilege of creating your wedding bouquet.
We have been through a lot of crazy times together, and you have always had my back and supported me through some really dark times. I have no idea if I would even be here without you. You have helped me grow so much, and I can see how much you have grown as well, into being even more wonderful and amazing than when we first met.
(Elektrostat 2010, you were there for me in dark times when I came back to Oslo for that weekend. Also no clue on who took this photo, sorry for not crediting!)
around 14-15 years ago, I saw you at a Red Cross seminar, and I don't think either of us should have been there. You were the curious blonde alternative girl sitting some rows in front of me, and I knew that I had to get to know you. For some reason the second day of the seminar I brought juggling balls (because sometimes you just got to juggle something). Standing in the lobby, I started to juggle and before the first ball touched my hand, you ran to me smiling, saying:YOU JUGGLE!! I remember the moment so well and I hope I never forget. You also had some serious skills yo! (And you still do)
You got me into a world of adventures by joining the role playing group by Red Cross,"På Flykt" as an instructor, and that brought a whole new view into my life. (For those reading whom doesn't know, google it.) When I started visiting Oslo more often, you were there, and you were my gateway into this city which I love so much. More adventures were had, and you even let me live in your flat in the tiny room, and even after I moved to another place, you let me stay there again for a time when I went through a rather dark time.
(We really were the most badass of zombies! Again no clue on who took this photo, sorry for not crediting! again!! D: )
Together we have danced and partied, played with fire (like literally), we have laughed, probably cried, shared our hearts and minds, made art, been zombies, and so much more <3 So many glorious memories, and hopefully more to come.
You are truly wonderful, and a shining light which have enriched my life for these years. You have always been a dear friend whom I could count on. You have had my back since day one, and I'll have your back until the light takes us away. Because that's what family is for.
(And thank you for letting me use you as a test subject when I was an apprentice <3 Now you got a part of me with you forever! *Insert evil laughter*)
I love you Hanna, you're the big sister that I always wished for, and gained <3 I totally stole pictures from your facebook! (And found some old treasures deep withing my HDD! :D Sorry I could not find more pictures from the wedding :/
Tobias. Welcome to the family! <3 (Hope we get to work with you again! -Batboner )
Just turned on my computer again after planning on heading to bed early, as I realized that I perhaps should just write something down instead of not being able to sleep, thinking I should write something. At least here is a blog post on time, albeit most likely just full of moody nonsense if any at all. And yes pictures too.
I feel hollow.. something I think I have been writing for a bit now. I have had a weekend out of the studio/workspace, in order to relax, but I find myself restless instead, wanting to paint, so I continued on cosplay projects instead at home. I also tried playing computer games again, but I tend to play for 15-30min before feeling like I want to do something more creative or organize something. It's strange though as I really love to play games, but I can't find the energy or drive to do so these days.
(Photography by Håvard Halvorsen, 2009 <3 https://www.facebook.com/DigiKillPhotography/)
Managed haul myself out of the house yesterday. First off to a little birthday gathering, before heading off to see my dear friend and head off to a gig at a really cool punk collective place. The headliner for the gig was Joe Buck Yourself from the US, and it was amazing. After the gig I headed to the synth/goth night club event in central Oslo, but I couldn't find the energy to stay for long, so sorry for bailing. I just seem to prefer being in my own bubbles, maybe it will change again soon.. I hope so. I just have to finish up some things first, and get the hell out from where I am now.
I'm looking at my boxes of things packed down for moving again, I open them and go through them to downsize on my belongings. Some items are losing their worth to me, and some feel more valuable. I guess that's how it goes for everyone. Having less crap to haul around eases the mind. This is also a bit odd as I experienced a rage attack this weekend as well (I'm really happy I was alone in the apartment.. I hope).. and it seems like most of my patience has run dry. I find myself in more mood swings, forgetting to eat on time, losing myself more, and all in all just wishing to be alone and paint more. It feels like it's the one thing I have left within myself that matters. I am having problems sitting down to write lyric material for Batboner as well, so I hope I can find the drive to turn all of this frustration into song, and not just ramblings in a blog. There is a lot I want to get out in lyrical form, which I just can't get out now. Writing here, does help a bit with that.
Heading to my home town by the end of the month, before heading to Worldcon in Helsinki in August. Getting away from here is most welcome now. I desperately need a change of scenery.
(Photography by Peter Forsund, 2010?)
So yeah.. I'm not sorry for my ramblings. This is why I have this space. I'm sad, and I will most likely continue to be so for a good while. I feel exhausted, restless, like I need to keep on pushing myself as I am never good enough, I feel heartbroken over and over and over again, I feel miserably alone, yet I want to be left alone. I can't cope much with this and that and things and stuff that's happening and so on. I appreciate invitations to things like a crazy lot, even if I will most likely not show up. And if I do, it's because it was convenient, or my brain told me that I had 30 seconds all of a sudden to feel like going out would be nice. I want to fall asleep and never wake up, but I have too many things that I want to do. I just need to cruise this chaos. I also need to collect all the marbles I lost, and I lost all of them it seems.. I'll be fine though, so there is never a need to worry really.
(Photography by Håvard Halvorsen, 2013<3 https://www.facebook.com/DigiKillPhotography/)
PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Mon, July 03, 2017 23:12:46 (Photo of the Turbojugend before the parade, stolen from the TJ Oslo facebook page)
Seems like my blog posts lately are written on Monday nights instead of Sundays, but most Sundays lately have been in complete recovery mode! This weekend was the same! Still being sober, still exhausted, but still kicking it! This time it was a weekend of the amazing Oslo Pride, and the grande Pride Parade. Last year I was walking in the parade for the first time and with Oslo BDSM, but this year Turbojugend Oslo rallied the Turbojugend around to show support in the Oslo Pride Parade. It went truly amazing! I am still so happy and proud to be representing Turbojugend, and my hometown Chapter Stavanger Rock City. I really hope it continues next year and that more members will show up to show support.
(Photo from the parade, from Gaysir.no)
(Photo from BLIKK.no, we were apparently photographed a lot, and even filmed)
As for Pride, I am really happy that this is happening all over the world, and in these days it is still very valid and very important! Unfortunately the world we live in is cruel, and so many are still hiding their colors, afraid for their lives. I have been stared at, harrassed, beaten, and so on for just being myself, and being rather alternative. I can't even begin to imagine the horrors the less fortunate face today, and this is why I hope that Pride spreads like wildfire and gives people the courage to stand against the dreadful norms of their suppressing societies. And it's equally important that we all are aware of what's happening in other countries. It's not all glitter and shiny stuff, but I hope we can spread that glitter and shiny stuff to all corners one day <3 One can only hope, and damn well try to figure out what else to do! What the hell is the point of life if we are not allowed to express ourselves? I am crazy lucky to be where I am, and with just minor scratches.
(A selfie from my instagram, thought I would spam you some pictures of my other fab sides) (Photo by Steven Stieng, https://www.facebook.com/stiengfoto/ Taken at Elektrostat in 2014 I think.) (Photo by Danarki, https://www.facebook.com/danarkiphoto/ Taken at Desucon 2015 <3 <3 <3 )
(An old gem taken by my rebel bro DigiKill Photography <3 https://www.facebook.com/DigiKillPhotography/ I dressed up like this because I felt really sad, and just wanted to be a bit silly to try and turn it around. My silliness and quirky things have for many years been the embodiment of my sadness..)
(dreadful image, but my more "casual makeup face" without beard :) )
And yeah.. in all of this, I figured out that I might as well debunk that grand mystery of my sexuality that probably some of you haven't figured out yet.. I have been myself for as long as I can remember, with a great fondness for getting dressed up and being fab, transcending sex, gender, etc. I am what I want to be, when I want to. I threw out gender roles, and were early on disgusted by all the gender stereotypical bullshit! I follow beauty wherever it may be, and how I personally see it. What I find beautiful, others may not, but that's how everything goes. We are all deep down completely unique in the combinations of what we like and dislike. When it comes to my biological sex, I did consider for a very long time to change it.. and it is still on my mind, though I just want to be in the middle of it all.. or nothing at all. I'm still doing some minor research on everything, but most of all I just flow with my own currents. (Hence I for some reason always tend to grow a beard, though it's nice with some added makeup, or none at all, good for winters) I never feel completely like one or the other, though I would always smile when someone genuinely thought I was female.. and I still do. I could most likely go on and on about this, though I think someone somewhere threw this all in a box called pansexual. A dear friend once said something that stuck to me to this day. He was questioned about his sexuality from some half-drunk person at a venue, and after turning down every wild guess, he responded with, "I am sexual"
and so are we all <3
Thank you for reading.
(A whole set of images dating back to 14-15 years ago! None of the images are in any order, some of these are me getting dressed for Halloween, others for events, some just because I felt like feeling something else for awhile.. and one of these was a normal day at high school! Haha! )
PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Mon, June 26, 2017 23:40:48 Today I left the house only once to go to the store. And I picked up a new member to my synthesizer family on my way back, as I am selling my old TR61. I hope it gets a new and lovely home. At last I can breathe, stretch out and just relax before heading out into a new storm. We all deserve as little break from production from time to time, in order to not exhaust ourselves completely. I have been in complete coma mode after a weekend of selling my art at Norway's greatest cosplay convention, Desucon.
(My second day at desucon! I had some time and evergy to do makeup and be a bit extra fab) (The green figure on the left I bought from BeastVoodoo, whom is amazing and super talented in making these little creatures <3 The plushie to the right was a present from my friend <3 <3 Thank you so much <3 )
That being said, this convention weekend was truly amazing! It went beyond anything I could ever imagine, and my art was so well received. I am completely moved and in a slight shock that I got so many sales! (Hence I could afford a "new" synth before having sold my old one) I learned a lot while just observing and talking to people. Seeing what sold the most and what did not sell too well. I also finished up three drawings, and sold two of them. One was a commission and the others just for fun :) Drawing commissions on a short time limit was also completely new for me, and really fun too! I felt I got to push myself a bit more again. And I will continue to push forwards, experiment and evolve for as long as I am physically able. It is my driving force to keep on breathing.
(My awesomesauce neko-maid Anne-Line! She's taken so try anything funny and she will dropkick you while you sleep, while her mighty viking boyfriend will laugh at you! I'll probably laugh at you too :P )
(some images of my artstand! I was quite happy with it after spending a few hours setting it up, though I had to constantly change it as my original pieces got sold)
(My commission piece of Ruby from RWBY. The customer loved it <3)
(My first attempt at drawing Junkrat from Overwatch. Was really happy with this one!)
This is the second time I have had an artstand at a convention, and this time it was at Desucon in Lillestrøm which is really awesome! I have been there a few times before, but having an artstand was a completely new way to experience it. I met so many wonderful people, and I got to do one of my favorite past times, people watching <3 When so many people are in so many wonderful cosplays, you can't help but becoming completely enchanted by it all and inspired. I was also super stoked to see the amazing DeadSushi Cosplay win the cosplay competition (check out her stuff at https://www.instagram.com/deadsushii/ you go gurl!<3) I also got to DJ some music during the quiz at Kaplah, an after con convention for the older convention goers. Did a nice set of mostly 90's Jrock and Jpop <3
(drawing, drawing, drawing... )
I hope to continue my unfinished cosplay projects this summer for Worldcon in Finland, so I will not be painting as much now, just to have some mind space for other creative projects. I will be doing something on a daily basis as usual though, like sketching etc. Even if you take a break, it's good to just do a little bit to keep the flow running. I do have some large painting projects coming up though, and I recently ordered some really crazy pigments which I will talk about at a later time. (the pinkest pink and the blackest black. Stay tuned on how it goes).
Oh and for those who were expecting streaming this weekend from me, I am so sorry I did not do any! I did take some small video footage with my phone, that I hope I can somehow edit together into something. (Video editing is really new to me, so some help there please!)
And all cred to my dear, dear friend Sarah whom is the producer of Desucon! People have a tendency to complain about this con(*shakes fist at those people*), but this year for my part it went like clockwork! Absolutely solid convention, really nice crew and just an overall great vibe. Excellent layout of the artstand area as well <3 I'm proud of you <3
(being silly on day one!) (Being oh so goffed up and and stuff on day two, though day three I was dead-ish)
Again thank you all for an amazing weekend and last but definitely not least, thank you a million times to my dearest shop maid Anne-Line whom got all fab dressed and sat with me like a trooper through the convention! You rock! <3
I feel really good about this. It feels like a fire has been rekindled and I now have the means to continue pushing this even further. I'll be enjoying this for as long as it should last, for tomorrow it may all be gone. Thank you all <3
(My new toy, the Novation Ultranova! So much fun and an overall excellent synthesizer! Got this used for a great price as a little treat for myself, and a replacement for my old one that I'm selling.)
PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Tue, June 20, 2017 22:36:46 As I normally write on Sunday night, I once again failed to do so, but fret not for here is a new and slightly delayed post. Apologies for that.
(My finished banner, though I added some minor details after, to make the letters pop out even more) (A collection of a few things I will have at my stand)
As with last post, nothing has changed, besides the fact that I am DONE with all the works for Desucon! I am still waiting for reprints of my print order as the first batch did not come out as expected, but the company's service was amazing and fast. They sent me a new batch which I hope turns out well. I also need to get everything organised, and mayhaps create a new cosplay for the event.
With all of the work I have been doing, I have somewhat managed to get back into routines as well, going swimming and trying to jog from time to time as well. It feels nice, though I can't help feeling like a gear these days as well.. just an expendable part in a large machinery. I'm on complete auto-mode now and hence I fall asleep before the thought of writing even hits me. I feel numb, but I can at least keep pushing myself both physically and mentally. I think I need to change things up soon, maybe go away for a bit and hope some new "groove" comes back in.
The process of making the banner. Well some of the process) (I do need to properly clean my desk after this.. )
With all that said, I am super stoked for this weekend. Desucon is a really wonderful convention and I always meet a lot of new people and artists there. And just being around masses of fandom and cosplay really inspires me. Well.. that's some groove at least. It's also nice to see that the convention functions as a good arena for artists and illustrators to get their work out! I am very curious as to how sales will be going and how my art will be received by the crowd. It's good research for the future, and hopefully I'll manage to keep on building on whatever information I can gather. Oh and I managed to get a super wonderful shop assistant as well! Thank you so much for helping me out! You know who you are <3
To you whom are going, I hope to see you all there! Please come by my artstand and say hi <3
(I finished up these today as well. Super small paintings made to wear as some kind of accessory.. )
PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Mon, June 12, 2017 21:38:08 (Managed to borrow a camera from my dear and sweet friend, to document stuff <3 )
My current state of mind, and it really feels nice for a change. Ofcource there is still all the chaos about, but for once I feel like I am sitting calm without letting all my worries tear me down too much. Sitting in the middle of this world that's burning around us like never before, though only to give of a short shrug and keep on painting. I have my bubble, and that's where I spend my days, weeks, and so on. My little bubble of calm.
I am also a bit sorry (for my own sake) that I didn't write last night. It just so happens that I fell asleep early for once.
Last week has been a rollercoaster ride for many, with elections, hearings and all the politics wobbling about. And I tend to endulge in it a bit too much, but currently trying to moderate that as well. So I have spent time in my bubble as usual working like a maniac with new pieces and ideas for Desucon, a Norwegian cosplay/comicbook/anime/nerdculture fandom extravaganza convention like we all enjoy so much. And for once I will have an art stand there to see how things goes in that direction of my art thingie. So do come by and support my financially indisposed soul ^^;;
(My new sticker designs that I'll be pushing at desucon, as well as original art and prints)
Oh and I am sorry that for some reason this is perhaps a bit "dull" post.. but dull is really really really good now. I'm not feeling much, just painting the days away, been going back to swimming and so on. Trying to keep my head and my heart beating to a single nice 4/4 beat. Trying to keep my days as mellow as I can to not exhaust myself from all the stress. Have a routine, get up early and go do stuff, sleep, repeat.
Still hoping for a vacation soon. And yes even if I don't have a real h00man job, I still need a vacation. Some time off to completely empty my head, while sucking in new inspiration <3 And if you come to Desucon and support us starving artists, maybe more of us will get a vacation this year. *^_^*
(Some of my early works. I shared them today around social media for good measure. I need to finish up my portrait of Hide though. Still some of my best works through the years)
Enjoy the rest of your week! I'll be in my bubble <3
PostsPosted by Floyd E. Vawter Mon, June 05, 2017 01:23:42 This weeks title is ofcource inspired by my stoke for the upcoming season of Game of Thrones.. and I found it a bit suiting for what I felt like sharing tonight. To be honest, all my ideas on what to write etc, come and go, and then completely varnish. But there are some concepts which suddenly come back as a kind of theme for each week. In the week that has just passed, we started off with playing a show on Monday along with Sin5, a nice industrial ensemble with lovely beings! On Tuesday we released our second music video for our latest single Oberheim.
Both the video for Oberheim and Sticky were created by our drummer Zonetripper aka Magnus Nordstrand.
And here is the first one in case you missed out <3
You probably guessed by now (or you already most certainly know! BIG SHOCK!!), that I have a great fondness for theatrics, and just getting as fluffed up as I can get. Through most regular days I feel like I'm in a cocoon state. I don't bother dressing much up, I slightly isolate myself in my workspace painting the days away. And I am also figuring out what to wear to next great event/convention/gig etc. At times I can spend weeks planning it, and more than often I will make sketches of how my complete attire should look like. ish.. And it's during those weeks I rest my physical vanity, as it requires more energy to keep up, than what I can prioritize.
And then I get my complete attire on, and enter the stage. It is the once place outside my own little caves/homes that truly feels like home. And in a sense it feels more like home than anything else. And I never care much for what number of people are in the audience, as long as I know at least one is having a good time. For a moment all my misery, frustrations, woes and thoughts that drags me down, becomes like a new type of energy that I can only fuel through these performances. The whole attire becomes like a ritual for me to summon forth my inner beings in order to exercise with them, and to exorcise them. And then my mind is completely blank before returning back to the "regular" world.
I thought I would collect what I could find from our shows. A collection of my attires through playing with Batboner. Thank you to everyone who came to our shows and supported us through the years <3 And thank you for dancing along with my creatures <3
Thank you all whom were photographing us through the years, and for many more to come <3
Sorry if I forgot anyone here (of whom I stole these pics from).
And let me know any missing links, if any. Have a wonderful night and see you soon <3
(none of these are in any order with the photographs. Sorry!)
A realm entwined from strings adorned Pulled from the depths of pasts left scorned Such visions, divine, tantalizing, like sweet enchanted wine The rain of golden feathers, wash away the sign
Take of my mask, open the door and welcome you in There are no such worries, and no such sin With two eyes closed and one eye open These halls are lively, in spite of broken
A realm of clouds is where I dwell Only from withing the darkness shell For every light there casts a shade For every heart, there is a spade
Of methods old and new explored and twists of realms rise from the shore To recreate dreams from a broken past Arise a new and glorious cast
Chasing dreams with an open heart Treasures gained, while others fall apart The cloak of love and lust once made With the marks inside that never fade
Wisdom gained and dreams passed away Though new arise and the restless soul will never stay To explore the shores of worlds unknown And tell the story of how it's grown
We drift ashore to brighter lights And creatures unfold before our sight But calmness sweeps what we thought was fear Of such burdens no soul should ever bear.
Floyd E. Vawter, Artist statement - Kingston University, London, 2013
As we're playing a show today/tomorrow, I decided to save the ventilating of this weeks frustrations and woes for that. After every show we do, I feel completely blank again. Hollow, yet satisfied. Like a new beginning. This is my fourth post here, and every Monday when I wake up after writing, I feel like I am starting on completely blank papers again. It's a good relief, and gives my head space to process the coming week.
Instead of making a long rant or post going too much into this weeks ramblings, I thought I would post a poem instead. I wrote this as my artist statement in 2013, during my studies in London. For some reason I using poetry as a statement would suit me better than the normal "artists manual to arting" sheet of paper normally spottet at galleries.
Hope you enjoyed it. And I hope to see you tomorrow at our show.
Our music can be found through spotify (Batboner) etc or at: https://batboner.bandcamp.com/
(and yes I forgot to write the bloody date on these! haha!)
Norwegian artist, vocalist, and in general a curious being with a great fondness for the odd and the bit different aspects of life. I spend the vast majority of my time in my workspace at Bitraf, located in central Oslo. Here I create series of rather cute and colorful artworks. Terms and conditions may apply, whatever they may be. (Photo by Rober Vawter)